There was no beginning to this semester. We were just thrown right into the middle, from the very first day. From that day on, there has been so much to do that's it's just not physically possible to do it all. It's ridiculous. You almost have to laugh. Why do we have so much to do? Do we do it to ourselves on purpose? Is it a musician thing? Is it the fault of the teachers at the music school? Is it the only way to beat off the competition? Never mind. It doesn't matter why. That's not the point.
What's interesting to me right now is in how we deal with it.
I rush, rush, from thing to thing. Music building, quad, music building, smith, home, IMPE, back home, music bldg. Working. Practicing. Trying to keep things clean in my room and around the apartment. Trying to make sure I pack lunches and have food for dinner. But still receipts and bank-statements pile up on my desk and chamber assignments loom over my shoulder. Books I was meaning to read go unread. People I've been meaning to talk to go uncontacted. It's just not possible, but yet, I struggle constantly in the effort to keep up. It's silly exciting!
There's this tendency to think that staying out at the music building late at night will help get things done. The actual result is nothing like this. It is still impossible to get everything done, because that's just the way life is right now, but now on top of that you're losing sleep. Colleen suggested that we need to face the fact that we won't feel done at the end of the day and force ourselves to go to sleep anyway. This would be in the best interest of our health.
You see, there's this body to keep in mind too. Because it really isn't all just work, work, work. It's actually more like work, work, work, CRASHHH!!, work, work, work, worKCRASHHH!!, work... And by "crash" I mean things like 1) losing consciouness for three hours in the middle of the afternoon, which we call "taking a nap," but is really more of a overt rebellion of the body against the mind, or 2) having a temporary depressive episode, such as breaking down crying for no particular reason and needing some good friend to come along and pull you back up into the stream of productivity. Crashing is an interruption from working, and completely throws off your groove, but it's pretty much part of the cycle.
I realize that the amount of drive and planning that has to go into maintaining this level of business may make us seem up-tight from the outside. It is exhillerating, though, and this is what breeds opportunity, my friends.
Considering I didn't even have time to write this entry, I now must run off to the music building (of all places!) and try to get in some quality recording time for my Peabody audition CD. If I succeed, it will be the first day in over a week that I've been trying. Wish me luck!
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2 comments:
it sounds like you have found somewhat of a balance, though. you have time for blog writings, roommate consolations. Busyness illuminates prioritization. and sheds light on the beauty of spontaneity.
it's good as long as it's not busyness for the sake of being busy. I assumed this mindset last semester; feeling inadequate because i wasn't busy like "all the other college students." Though there are those students and adults who busy themselves as an outlet to boredom, ennui, and a misguided- maybe even purposeless- existence, there are those whose busyness is a visible product of something larger....Passion. when busyness flows from passion...for a hobby, a field of study, a job, a family, an organization...that's when all is right in the world.
yet there are still those things that have to get done, regardless of a lack of a passion. I certainly don't have a passion for keeping a budget or running errands or cutting my toenails, but these things enable me to further pursue that which i love.
i know you are doing tihngs (homework, classwork) right now that you find pointless and a waste of time (who doesn't?) but just remember those things that you really hold dear...your music, your writing, your french, your relationships.
remember that blog you wrote about the meaning of life? i thiknk i'll go back and read it...it was very insightful and relates to this topic. :)
amor y belleza,
court
Actually, I love this level of busy that I'm at right now. My post was written with a positive attitude about the whole thing. I don't know if I emphasized that enough. While I am very busy, it's ALL stuff I want to do. Stuff I love to do. I love harp. I am desperately passionate about playing harp, and I enjoy every practice session now. I am passionate about other forms of expression such as writing and photography and French. There isn't a single piece of homework that I think is mundane or that I don't want to do. I've had enough of that! If I'm going to do it, I'm going to care about it. But at the same time, I'm not overloading myself by being too perfectionist about the work I do either. It could be just chance that I have such a positive outlook on it all right now. I do seem to have unpredictable mood swings where one moment I'm suddenly depressed for no particular reason and the next moment I'm exploding with joy. Whatever reason it is that I'm content right now, I'm not going to argue with it.
It is a wise warning, though, for you to point out that busyness can be busyness for the sake of distraction from real purpose. It's a possibility that there are elements of that happening with me. I'll think about it and get back to you on it. I'm reading this cool book about Buddist philosophy right now that I want to write an entry about to provide a new angle on some of these subjects.
As always, thank you for commenting so beautifully and thoughtfully. You're an awesome blog partner. Tag. You're it.
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