one down...

I had my first grad school audition yesterday. This one was at Indiana University, in Bloomington. If that sounds random to you, it might help to be told that Indiana actually has one of the best harp programs in the country. This audition was an encouraging experience to kick the process off with, because it went really well.

The last time I was in Bloomington was the summer of 2004. I was there to play in a overwhelmingly huge international harp competition. The thing lasted two weeks, because there were four elimination rounds, with different repertoire played for each one. There were very high stakes; the winner was given a gold harp, lots of money, a recording contract, and a concert tour. I didn't even make it to the second round, but that was hands-down the most stressful harp experience I've ever had, in addition to being intensely long.

As a result,
1. I was very familiar with the area already and had almost no trouble at all finding my way around. I even was able to give other auditionees directions to where they needed to go--the music building, various restaurants, the drinking fountain, anything!
2. The audition couldn't even begin to scare me by comparison.

I warmed up on a nice L&H 23 in the practice room that my teacher had told me she used to practice in all the time when she went to school there. Then I sat outside the studio waiting for a while, because even though I was the second auditionee, they were already running late. I chatted with Adriana while I sat there. She warned me that I would have to sightread for the audition, and, worried that hearing that would throw me off, warned me not to get nervous about it. On the contrary, I flipped out with excitement! I was positively delighted that I'd get to sightread something. It was like finding out that I was going to get cherry pie for dessert after dinner!

When Ms. McDonald came out to get me, I was treated like an honored guest, with "Hello Elizabeth! Welcome back to Bloomington. It's wonderful to see you again!" Chatting about how Ann (my teacher) is doing followed that, along with promises to say hi to her from them. It was a really friendly atmosphere to be auditioning in. Ms. McDonald has such a kind and nurturing personality. She's heard me play plenty of times before and has always said nice things and been really supportive. The other person who was there was Elzbieta Szmyt, who I've also met before, and who even let me taste her beer when we were at a pub in Dublin last summer.

I wasn't "nervous" playing for them. I was on the spot, and my stomach was doing its whole churning thing that I don't really have control over, but I was not shaking or randomly freaking out or anything irrational like that. No, I wasn't nervous, but I was "on." I played like it mattered. Actually, I did have one memory slip in the deFalla Spanish Dance. I wish it hadn't happened, but it did, and I'm not letting it bother me too much. Oh well, now they've seen me recover from a memory slip and know that I can do it with some amount of poise. That's worthwhile to know, as an auditioner, isn't it?

We didn't have time to play through everything I had prepared, so Ms. McDonald kept stopping me in the middle of movements to have me go on and start the next one, but everytime she did she would make sure to say "good job" and make comments about how impressive my pieces were. I didn't really need all that, but it was nice I guess. The sightreading was a pretty little piece from a collection by Skaila Kanga (whom I've also met and worked with). I had fun with that. As anticipated, it was my favorite part of the audition.

I answered some interview questions about what my goals with harp are and why I chose to audition at Indiana. I want to get better at playing harp, of course. I want to go as far as I can go with it. I think, no, I KNOW Indiana would do that for me. Indiana would set me up doing international competitions all over the world. That's the place where skills are honed. I've seen it happen. So many great harpists go through that school and work with Ms. McDonald. But yet, I have my heart set on France right now. I felt bad about the idea of turning Indiana down at all, especially while sitting there in the studio, especially as Ms. McDonald was saying "I think you would fit in very well here, and I hope it works out," and asking me about scholarships. According to Kristie (my friend who is a student there now), this means that I got in.

The first time I was in Bloomington, I stayed with Kristie in a house with a bunch of extra rooms. We found our way around town to the Krogers and stocked up on groceries. We bought ice cream and rented movies together. I stayed with Kristie again this time, except now Bloomington is her home. I am so grateful for her hospitality and hope that I can show her the same when she comes to Illinois for the midwest composers' symposium at the end of the month.

Colleen was driving back from her audition in Cincinati at the same time I was driving back from Bloomington. We called each other on the phone at least four separate times to keep each other awake. Exhaustion characterized the rest of the day. One down, the rest of the semester to go.

today i slowed down and took time to appreciate life

I woke up at 10:30. Practicing doesn't always need to be about how much time you put in or how thoroughly you nitpick the details. In fact, being too tied to that can leave you vulnerable to anxiety. Thus, I didn't set aside any time to practice before class. I slept. I let my body recover.

Shower and packing flew by more quickly than planned due to extra energy. I found myself with extra time, which I decided to use by replacing the regular bus ride to school with a walk and a photography session. The sun shone so brightly that it brought tears to my eyes, even protected behind sunglasses. It turned out that the coat and scarf made me too warm, and I undid the buttons.

I love how photography makes you more aware of your surroundings, not even just visually. I heard a swallow singing from a tree. I wouldn't have known that's what it was if I hadn't transcribed all those birds for Wes. I'm not sure I even would have heard it. Today I heard all its pitches and rhythms clearly, relieved that I didn't have to figure out how to notate them. I told Wes about that later.

Taking a picture of an apartment building on Lincoln, I bothered a man.
He asked, "Why are you taking pictures?"
I said, "Just for fun, because I like it." He was coming off so suspiciously that I added, "Do you have a problem with that?"
He said, "Well, I own this building, and so I want to know why you're taking pictures of it."
I walked away and left him alone.

I only made it to French five minutes late.

At my harp lesson today, Ann told me, as she had told Colleen, that we should both feel very good about our upcoming grad-school auditions. We need exactly that kind of encouragement right now, I believe. She even approved of my Peabody recording. I feel more on top of things now, having been given that vote of confidence from someone whose opinion I care about so much. Bring it on, world!

I set here now, at and study carrel, buried away on the second level of the music library,watching the world grow dark outside the window to my left.
It's 6:00. I plan to be at school till late tonight to get homework done (this isn't really homework), practice, participate in a practice audition that Colleen is setting up, and hopefully then record.

I think I will need to eat the dinner I brought soon, because hunger is beginning to set in.
.
.
.

Hours later, I'm up too late writing. I didn't record, but I did go to an inspiring cello recital. I didn't go to Tae-Kwon Do practice, but I think I'll run at the rec center with Colleen tomorrow afternoon. I didn't go to bed at a reasonable time, but I did do my creative writing homework, write all over everyone' s blogs, and edit a few pictures from today.

It was a good day.