resolutions

I make new year's resolutions every year. I think it's a fun tradition. I actually type them up and print them out and everything. It helps me get perspective. I can remind myself of what are the important things to focus on. I can also see how far I've come in the past and where I'm trying to head in the future. They aren't the same every year. I design them so that they are reasonable goals that I can achieve rather than magical wishes. Someone suggested that this approach is similar to telling your pet to do what it's already doing and thinking that you have trained it. Maybe there are a lot of things in there that I would have done anyway, but only because I believe in always thinking about how to improve myself. There still is a point to making them explicit, just to proverbially dust my mind out and clarify my goals for myself. So, I'm not going to resolve to look like a super model every day, become a published novelist this year, and make a gourmet meal every week because it's not going to happen, and I don't think rigid ultimatums are the point. My resolutions are more about refining my perspective on how I approach things.

I thought about posting them up here, but quickly vetoed that idea. There's too much stuff in there that alludes to things I regret about last year and wouldn't want to make public. I took a history class once in which our TA enunciated this concept very well. He said that by studying the kinds of laws that civilizations made, you can infer the kinds of things that people did to offend each other enough to feel that it was worth making a law to prevent. If you find a tablet that reads "Any man who steals another's chicken will owe that man 30 whatever-ancient--units-of-currency-is-applicable and a week's service," it means that people were stealing chickens and it was a problem. By the same token, there are some resolutions I have made about my approach to life which are in direct response to things I think I probably should not have done.

I guess there are a few things harmless enough to share. One is "I resolve not to put up with busy work." I am always finding myself procrastinating on homework that I don't want to do. Noteable instances of this from last semester were all the French workbook assignments I had to do. They were so boring and mundane and stupid, and our teacher barely even looked at them when we handed them in! So I would put it off until the night before it was due and then gripe and complain for an hour or two while I tediously did the whole assignment in one sitting. That seriously got in the way of my enjoyment of learning the French language. But I've decided that life shouldn't have to be like that! I don't have time to waste on pretending that grades and credits are a worthy goal to work toward. School should inform my life, not get in the way of it. I'm learning French so that I can go live in France and be able to communicate with the people there. I am not learning it so that I can pass the class. So if the assignment is one that's not just busy work, that is going to be informative and useful, then face it head on and give it your passion and attention, but if it's not, then do something about it! Sometimes procrastination is not just about laziness. It can be a sign that you're expecting yourself to do things that you don't really think are valuable pursuits.

Another one of my resolutions is also about France. In March, it will be time for me to write to Isabelle Perrin and tell her that I really do want to come study with her in Paris and find out from her either a definite yes or no. She said by then she will know for sure if she has space in her studio or not, but I think she's also making me wait so that I will have thought harder about whether I want to go for sure or not. Admittedly, in the time since I returned from France last August, I have had doubts. I have asked myself why I am proposing to send myself to a foreign country far away from everything I know and live there for an indefinite period of time when I know for sure that I will experience terrible feelings of loneliness and stress and anxiety in the process. But I know that letting those emotions sway my final decision would not be the right thing to do. I resolve to say yes to France, because it's going to be an invaluable opportunity. I just need to have faith in that.

The rest are about people and how I relate to them. Some are specific people and some more general. By way of a vague summary, I don't think you should ignore the bad things that you see in people, but you have to make sure you're still seeing the good things too.
Talking about people behind their backs should only be done constructively, not disparagingly.
And I have a bit of a reputation for saying things bluntly. It can be a refreshing character trait, but I'm not going to pretend it's always a good thing. I want to tone down on that a little bit.
Another resolution is to make sure I learn from my past mistakes. This means being analytical enough of my past to learn the lessons that life has taught me.

Okay, there are some things to think about. Check out my roommates', Anne's and Colleen's, Xanga and LiveJournal for some thoughtful insights about bringing in the future while also incorporating the past.